University and Mental health
Hello lovely people, I know I've been really bad on posting here since starting university, I've been thinking about this recently and I think I've come up with a reason as to why I just haven't been finding the time to write on here.
At university my days are very uniform, I wake up often perpetually tired, I go to the gym and I then head straight into uni to start lectures or practical's. This year though we have the same contact hours as last year the content itself is rather more difficult as I personally find some of it quite dry and very tricky to learn. After lectures I go to the library or I go home to write up the lectures. In the gaps of the day I find time to eat. Now to me reading that back I am probably the worlds most boring person I don't really go out ever and I just live in my routine. I figure that people won't want to read about that, they don't want to read about a boring life of a struggling university student.
I would love to write posts about the things that we are learning and give you tips on how to learn and get through university but the truth is I'm still figuring all of this out. The content we get taught I spend time writing up and trying to understand however I don't feel like I could write a post about the content because I'm not going to lie but at the moment none of it is really motivating me and inspiring me to write. I don't feel like I am in the right place to be giving tips about how to study because though I passed all of my January exams, truth be told I making everything up as I go along.
University is hard, no one ever said it was going to be easy, my mental health sometimes spirals and then I'll have a good few days and something can trigger a spiral again. I just want everyone to know that there are other people going through this, you're not alone. I am currently consciously trying to work very hard on my mental health and my self worth. Self worth is something I have struggled with for a while, I can't tell you why because I myself don't know but I realise that I do try to always make others happy and ensure that others are happy even if it doesn't make me happy. I do sometimes make stands for myself like if I don't want to go out no one is going to make me go out, yes this makes me feel bad about myself because I'm letting people down however I have come to realise that often after nights out that's when I go into a really dark hole mentally so more often than not I try to avoid that from happening. I have definitely been treating myself more this year and about certain things I've been a lot more relaxed this year which I do really think has helped. There is still a very long way to go before I feel a good sense of self worth and before I feel like I am enough and I deserve certain thing, I'm working on it. I just want you reading this to know that if you are going through a period like this then that's okay, go speak to someone, talk to a friend or write it in a journal. I have recently downloaded the app 29k which I'm trying out, it's completely free and it is a load of courses and lessons about anxiety, self-confidence and wellbeing. I will try and keep updated on here as to how that's going.
A promise I am making to myself here, as cheesy as it sounds is to tell myself that I am worthy of friendship and love. In the past in friendships I have tried to just make sure the other person is happy and if they have done something that upsets be I have stayed quiet because who am I to say anything. But now I want to start taking a stand and telling people how I really feel, and I figure the true friends will listen and care about me and the people who aren't true well they can get out of my life for all I care. That sounds harsh and I know it will take a lot for me to say to someone something that they've done that makes me upset but it has to be done because I don't want to spend my life solely helping others and carry others burdens around and thinking that they shouldn't ever have to hear my burdens or my troubles.
Sorry this blog took rather a depressing turn, as you know I am always truthful on here about everything I think and feel. I will try to write on here before the end of the month. I hope you are all having a good 2020 and just remember to keep smiling and everything will be alright in the end.
At university my days are very uniform, I wake up often perpetually tired, I go to the gym and I then head straight into uni to start lectures or practical's. This year though we have the same contact hours as last year the content itself is rather more difficult as I personally find some of it quite dry and very tricky to learn. After lectures I go to the library or I go home to write up the lectures. In the gaps of the day I find time to eat. Now to me reading that back I am probably the worlds most boring person I don't really go out ever and I just live in my routine. I figure that people won't want to read about that, they don't want to read about a boring life of a struggling university student.
I would love to write posts about the things that we are learning and give you tips on how to learn and get through university but the truth is I'm still figuring all of this out. The content we get taught I spend time writing up and trying to understand however I don't feel like I could write a post about the content because I'm not going to lie but at the moment none of it is really motivating me and inspiring me to write. I don't feel like I am in the right place to be giving tips about how to study because though I passed all of my January exams, truth be told I making everything up as I go along.
University is hard, no one ever said it was going to be easy, my mental health sometimes spirals and then I'll have a good few days and something can trigger a spiral again. I just want everyone to know that there are other people going through this, you're not alone. I am currently consciously trying to work very hard on my mental health and my self worth. Self worth is something I have struggled with for a while, I can't tell you why because I myself don't know but I realise that I do try to always make others happy and ensure that others are happy even if it doesn't make me happy. I do sometimes make stands for myself like if I don't want to go out no one is going to make me go out, yes this makes me feel bad about myself because I'm letting people down however I have come to realise that often after nights out that's when I go into a really dark hole mentally so more often than not I try to avoid that from happening. I have definitely been treating myself more this year and about certain things I've been a lot more relaxed this year which I do really think has helped. There is still a very long way to go before I feel a good sense of self worth and before I feel like I am enough and I deserve certain thing, I'm working on it. I just want you reading this to know that if you are going through a period like this then that's okay, go speak to someone, talk to a friend or write it in a journal. I have recently downloaded the app 29k which I'm trying out, it's completely free and it is a load of courses and lessons about anxiety, self-confidence and wellbeing. I will try and keep updated on here as to how that's going.
A promise I am making to myself here, as cheesy as it sounds is to tell myself that I am worthy of friendship and love. In the past in friendships I have tried to just make sure the other person is happy and if they have done something that upsets be I have stayed quiet because who am I to say anything. But now I want to start taking a stand and telling people how I really feel, and I figure the true friends will listen and care about me and the people who aren't true well they can get out of my life for all I care. That sounds harsh and I know it will take a lot for me to say to someone something that they've done that makes me upset but it has to be done because I don't want to spend my life solely helping others and carry others burdens around and thinking that they shouldn't ever have to hear my burdens or my troubles.
Sorry this blog took rather a depressing turn, as you know I am always truthful on here about everything I think and feel. I will try to write on here before the end of the month. I hope you are all having a good 2020 and just remember to keep smiling and everything will be alright in the end.
Whether you accept it or not, you are beautiful and you are loved by so many!
ReplyDeleteThe same goes to you <3 you are amazing and kind thank you :)
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